How to word an adults-only wedding invitation

The polite way to say no kids is to let the envelope and the RSVP do most of the work: address the invitation to the adults by name, list only those names on the reply, and put one warm, plain sentence about the adults-only rule on your wedding website. Don't print "no children" on the invitation itself.

An adults-only wedding is a reasonable choice, and most guests will accept it without a word. The trouble comes when the message is vague, late, or applied unevenly. The wording below is written to avoid all three.

Where the message goes

Think of it as three layers, each carrying a little of the message, so that no single card has to say anything blunt.

The envelope

The names on the envelope are the invitation list. "Ms. Dana Reyes and Mr. Tom Reyes" invites two people. "The Reyes Family" invites everyone in the house. The Emily Post Institute's advice on signaling no children makes the same point: the way the invitation is addressed tells guests who is invited, and by omission who is not, so there is no need to print "adults only" on the card.

The RSVP

Repeat the names. A reply card that reads "We have reserved 2 seats in your honor" closes the gap a blank line leaves open. On a household RSVP, guests find their household and reply for the people named in it, so there is nowhere to write in a seven-year-old.

The website

This is where you say it in words. Guests who are unsure will look here first, and a line in your FAQ answers them before they have to ask you. The questions worth covering alongside it are in the questions your wedding website FAQ should answer.

Wording for the website, by tone

One or two sentences is enough. State the rule, add warmth if it suits you, and stop. Explaining the budget or the venue's capacity invites a debate you don't need to have.

Warm

We love your little ones, but we've decided to make our wedding an adults-only celebration. We hope this gives you a night off, and we can't wait to see you there.

Plain

Our wedding is for adults only. We're grateful for your understanding.

Formal

With respect, we are unable to accommodate children at the ceremony or reception. We hope you will enjoy an evening of celebration with us.

With an exception for the wedding party

Apart from our flower girl and ring bearer, our wedding is an adults-only event. Thank you for helping us keep the evening grown-up.

With an exception for babies

Our celebration is for adults, with the exception of babes in arms. If that's you, we've named your little one on your invitation.

Decide the exceptions before anything is sent

Exceptions are where adults-only weddings come apart. Make them by rule, write them down, and apply them to every family on the list, the same way you would with plus-ones. The approach is the same one in how to word a no-plus-ones note.

• Children in the wedding party. The most common exception, and the easiest to explain.
• Nursing babies. A young baby often can't be left, and an exception for babies under six months keeps a new parent on the guest list.
• Immediate family only. Workable if the line is clear (your own siblings' children, for instance), but it is the version most likely to cause a phone call from a cousin.
• An age cutoff. "Guests 16 and over" is easy to apply and avoids the question of whether a teenager counts as a child.

Whatever you decide, decide it while you build the list. Tagging each household with a yes or no for children, as described in how to organize a wedding guest list, saves you from making the call one family at a time later.

Tell people early

Parents need more notice than other guests. A sitter for a Saturday night is one thing; a sitter for a three-day trip is another, and some parents will need to bring a grandparent along or swap weekends with a co-parent. Put the line on your website when the save-the-dates go out, and mention it in the wording itself if you can. Examples of that line are collected in save the date wording.

Expect some parents to decline, especially those travelling. That is a fair trade for the wedding you want, and worth building into your headcount. How many declines to plan for is covered in how many invited wedding guests come.

Make it easier for parents to say yes

A small amount of help goes a long way, and it makes the rule feel considered rather than cold.

• Share a list of local sitters or a childcare agency on the travel page.
• If many families are travelling, book a room at the hotel with a sitter for the evening, paid by you or shared.
• Put the end time on the schedule so parents can plan the night.
• Invite children to the daytime events, such as a welcome barbecue or a farewell brunch, if you want them there for part of the weekend.

If the weekend runs to several events, mark which ones are open to children on each entry of the schedule. The structure for that is in how to write a wedding weekend itinerary.

When someone asks anyway

Someone will. Answer the same day, keep it short, and use the same words each time, so nobody hears a different version from a friend.

We understand, and we'd love to have you there. We're keeping the day adults only, so we can't include the kids. If it helps, there's a list of local sitters on our website.

If they can't come without the children, accept that kindly. A decline is not a falling-out, and a guest who brings uninvited children to the door is a much harder conversation than one who says no in advance.

If you notice a reply that lists an extra name, call rather than message. A short, friendly phone call clears it up faster than a thread. The wording for the RSVP card itself, including the seats line, is in RSVP wording that gets replies.

Common questions

An adults-only wedding works when the envelope, the reply, and the website all say the same thing. With Simplyweds, guests reply for the named members of their household on an online RSVP, and the FAQ that explains the rule sits on the same site.